JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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