So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
