I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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