Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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