Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
