I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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