ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
