I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you would pick up someone in the library
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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