Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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