Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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