In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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