nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
