I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
