I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
