this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
