So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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