dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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