Your face is a jimmy john
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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