Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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