singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
