I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
