how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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