You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
