Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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