Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
