she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
