walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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