the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
