"it" just moved
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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