so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
