I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
