Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
