I could have mohawked her pubes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
