Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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