Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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