Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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