I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
