Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she woke up with a sticky ear
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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