the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
