Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How does one acquire holy water?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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