I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
