He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're too hungover to prance.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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