My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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