I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
