If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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