Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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