Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
