Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
True strength comes from lack of pants
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
