I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
