Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
