I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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