he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
