remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
