trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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