You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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