I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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