How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
