There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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