Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
