I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
