It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
