Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
