I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize