Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
