You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
