My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
