I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
