Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
as a side note pls kill me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
