dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
