your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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