Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
