one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
