Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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