nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
