Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
