Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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