I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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