Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
