STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
