My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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