So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
