He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
