my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
